Of a sentimentalist who refuses to feel the same way anymore.
Bismillah.
(Alhamdulillah, I’m legally divorced finally in late June, after a long, tiring process of 10months. I'll not go into details regarding that now, I’d done recalling the incidents in my Instagram and FB stories last time. I’m so touched and beyond thankful for all the love and support that I’d been receiving. Currently, we’re having 2 ongoing major court cases. Please do pray for my daughter and I.)
In series of my recent posts - I’d shared some of my memories and thoughts on some names in here.
I’d been having a hard time opening up about all of these memories. But I didn’t want to regret anything. It felt way better that I had poured everything out. Being me, I really need to let it out.
They were significant people in my life back then, and I had appreciated those moments for so long, they were not alive, but they remained as a memory. I’d met many good people who deserved to be mentioned here, I had 2 other names from India which I’d already written way earlier but I chose to just keep them as drafts. I pray that I will still be around good people, tho I was hurt again and again by quite a number of incidents, unexpectedly.
Everyone has their own opinion, and these were (?are) mine on ‘people and marriage’.
One.
There were certain friendships that we wished to keep, even if we are already married. I mean, initially I thought what’s wrong by just staying as friends? Putting aside all of the past emotions, some people can PROFESSIONALLY remain just friends.
Two.
No matter how many friends/crushes/admirers that we had before marriage, being married means to commit to one. To commit and to trust that one person, to be committed and to be trusted by that one person TOO. ONLY ONE IS SPECIAL.
Three.
No matter how many or how ever the ‘new’ person/s come into the marriage, someone have all the power/decision to stop anything from going beyond/overboard. There’s a limit in everything.
Four.
Miscommunications, misinterpretations and non-transparency are some of the major contributors for misleading trust and unrecovered bending hearts.
Five.
Stop being inferior on the spouses, accept that they have their own previous and current potentials and strengths, and someone shouldn’t win or dominate everything. Rather than overwhelming by the inferiority complex, it’s better to learn to acknowledge, appreciate, encourage and celebrate.
Six.
No married woman/man accepts infidelity (in any sense), without a deep broken heart. It’s one of the cruelest thing to be done, and one of the hardest fate to accept.
Seven.
Love doesn’t hurt.
Eight.
Learn to let go, to love yourself better, and right.
Nine.
People come and go, so you should learn to walk away too.
Ten.
‘Not everything you lose is a lost.’
Eleven.
Most of the times, instincts win. Trust them more.
Twelve.
Some feelings are just not meant to stay.
Thirteen.
Marriage is not an attachment.
Commit to it, attach to God.
If it leaves God, then leave it.
Fourteen.
No one’s perfect, no one’s innocent.
Return to God.
Fifteen.
‘Take back your heart.’
*The tenth and fifteenth of these are quoted from Yasmin Mogahed’s Reclaim Your Heart, Masya-Allah such a great book.
These are the things I held on as a kind of ‘love principle’ for a long time. Maybe some need to be revised, reformulated, rebuild, reinforced or any kind of modifications.
I’d appreciated many moments in my life, when I was younger and single.
Then I’d committed myself to an insincere attachment, when I was just 22.
I had so many things that I’d reflected upon and will keep on reflecting for that.
Hence it’s time to say goodbye to all of these moments.
I’m ending my past here.
I’d appreciated and accepted all.
Either it’s good or bad, I pray that none of them shall stay as vivid as they were used to be.
And I’m glad everything is faded.
Insya-Allah. Bismillah.
Healing, do it your way.
Love, Ayush.
2020
(Revised. First written in October.)
